The sky was painted with an orange color, clouds and birds are giving life to it. I stare at it with amazement as I relax myself from the deadly and mind raping defense I just went through. It was a cold afternoon, or maybe I’m just cold because of how tense I was earlier. With the usual cold can of iced coffee and leaning towards the baluster that allows me to look down four floors below from where I was; the blessed rooftop of my college, the best hangout spot I could think of.
These were the moments where I question myself; have I made the right decisions? Was I right when I followed my whims and comforted myself with the “as long as I’m happy” attitude? Did I love the right person? Did I go to the right school? Did I take up the right course? Should I have eaten that sweet four-layered pancake coated with vanilla syrup with strawberry on top?
I let out a big sigh, sipped some coffee and continue thinking.
I’m a calculating guy who’s decent at math and analysis but took up communication, I took up video games as a thesis instead of going with what fits my current academic environment, I’m an agnostic atheist who’s dating a devout Christian, I’m an only child that has no dreams of having children and has his life tailored around doing things that I’m good at instead of exploring my other possibilities. I’m bad at sports but I like watching sports, I love video games and I know for sure that I’m not even that good with it. I solo’d my thesis, and I admit it’s hard. Not just hard, BUT REALLY REALLY…REALLY HARD.
And then I stopped. I was here thinking about everything, thinking about every possible problem and all the choices I’ve made. There were problems, these are challenges that I could have avoided if only I’ve made the “right” decisions.
But I was smiling. Despite knowing how “wrong” I was, I’m still smiling.
It was right there and then, at the last sip of coffee, that I’ve realized.
I’m on the right path.
It’s just like a video game, you can pick all the “bad decisions” and compromise the good parts. But in the end you will look back where you went through and then just smile because all these choices shaped what you are now.
It doesn’t matter how wrong you think you are. If you can smile, you’re on the right track.