You were never a Princess.
I met you under the most mundane of circumstances: a brick hut that shades the lazy students from the harsh sunlight. I still remember how frustrated and stressed I was during that time, with a coffee in my hand and a meat bun straight from 7-11. I sat down on the hard ceramic benches and you were across me; lying down, with your thin figure and small frame.
That moment was the start. After that I saw you a couple of times, I smiled and you smiled back. There was something in that smile. Something so captivating, so sexy yet pure and innocent; I was enchanted.
We went through an entire month just texting each other during a strong typhoon. I still remember how I struggled to find a place where I can charge my phone just to talk to you; a mall, an electric outlet from a friend’s house and finally your house. I still remember the days we stay awake all night just sharing the stories we have.
You filled my days with joy, with hope, with color. I’am never the chummy, sweet and romantic guy but you were able to make me go to one of my most dreaded shops in a shopping mall: a store that sells stuff for couples. I’m a lazy guy that hates waiting but you were able to make me wait under the lights of a thousand stars just to end my day with a jeepney ride back home with you, I’m a selfish introvert but you made me want to share parts of myself with you.
Sure we had disputes; me and my addiction with video games and you with your indecisiveness and childishness. You get jealous and I get jealous. But we were able to compromise, we were able to make our own world.
I still remember the lollipops, the soft panda, the day we bought a gift for my mom, the day of our first big fight, the first time we held hands, the first time we kissed and the first time we felt each other’s love. The jeepney rides that are the highlight of my days and how I ask you how much the fare is since I always forget. How you always remind me to not get sick and drink my meds when I have cold. How I scold you when you eat stuff that you shouldn’t, how you scold me for drinking too much coffee, how you stay up late with me just so that we could sleep at the same time and just how you just cuddle up to me seeking the warmth we both share.
But not everything goes our way; I know we’re in a tough spot, and we ended up getting hurt over and over again. I still have this bitter feeling as to why you didn’t choose to fight with me, why you chose to end things and why you think we should stop what we feel and lie to ourselves. I get it; parents, religion and overall perspectives. But it’s all bitter, it tastes bad. I didn’t want to end things with you and I’m pretty sure you didn’t want it too.
Why do we have to lie? Why do we have to hide? I’ll never know for now. You’ve made your choice.
But at the end of the day, I can’t hate you. I can never hate you.
Compared to both of our past relationships, love life and attachments, we shared the shortest time.
But it felt the greatest. It was the greatest roller coaster ride of my life. It topped off everything, everyone that I’ve ever loved.
You asked for time, and maybe I need it too. Time to fix myself, to heal, and to see you at that same spot. Will that day come? I do not know, I will never know.
But no matter how stupid it sounds; I want it, I want that time to come. It’s the thing I want most. I know most of these things never work out, but god damn it I want it. I’ve never wanted anything as much as this.
You were never a princess; you didn’t glow like the girls I see on cartoons, you do not wear glass slippers, your lips were hard to kiss since you pout them awkwardly, you don’t wear make up and you never wear a dress.
You were not a princess. You were just a girl…
The girl who smiled, the girl who cried, the girl i hugged, the girl I kissed, the girl I shared my dreams with, the girl I was willing to fight for. You were my headache, my heartache, that little overactive, childish and bipolar girl. The girl who refused to drink her medicine, the girl that has tiny squeaky voice, the girl who was my complete opposite, the girl who was never my match and the girl that I loved.
You were the wrong choice, the wrong person, the wrong girl.
But you were worth everything; all the effort, sacrifices and the love, and I do not and will never regret everything.
You were never a princess and you don’t have to be. You were just a girl, and god damn it I want that girl.
The world is telling me you’re the wrong choice.
Then I’ll just have to beat the world until he changes his mind.